us girls

if you won't be afraid for me, you will be afraid of me.

skin a map of scars and track marks, smelling like liquor and smoke. razor sharp hipbones with ladder rung ribs. I am the monster girl, eyes red and hair falling out, beautiful dying frightening, can't you just see her now?

no, no, I am normal. I am bright and cheery and I want to be loved, that's it.

but is that true? I'm not either. there's a monster in my chest, and she's me but she's also just a part of me but she wants to come out, in my blood in my puke in my tears, wants to be quenched by chemicals, and I can't separate us, us monster girls. no, her- no, me?

no. that's wrong, badstupidwrong, I'm okay and I just want to be thinner, happier, better. not me badstupidwrong a monster. I can make her go away if I just- I don't know because I can't hear with her whispering in my ear make her stop, make her-

stop. breathe. I can't hurt her if she's me, so I'll hurt me so I won't do anything?

she was normal too, my monster girl, but she wanted more attention than she was worth could get.