out

your fingers are sticky from the ice cream you shared with your best friend an hour ago. your hair has been straightened by your mother in preparation for the party. you finally got your makeup right.

this is how you die.

did you expect it? you certainly didn't show surprise as you hit the pavement, but maybe you just didn't have enough time to react. this will be one of the sources of debate for the next couple of months.

did you jump? were you pushed? was it an accident, like the paper said? you were just drunk when you leaned against the railing, went too far. you fell.

but what if it wasn't? what if you meant to fall? no one wants to believe it, though everyone seems to be saying it. "she was always so quiet," as if this is an excuse for believing you were severely depressed.

really, it's the go-to excuse for not knowing enough about you. they can't ever see the signs if you never really showed them, right? it keeps the guilt at bay, for most people.