friendship

I like this. the darkness, the heat, the silence.

and then you pull the covers off, and it's like the fucking apocalypse how everything just comes rushing to get me. light and sound and fuck, is it freezing.

"whyyyyyyyyy," more of a moan than a question, and you answer by pulling the curtains open, and uuuuugh sunlight it hurts I just want to sleep.

thank God for pillows. I bury my face in one, but you're taking that away from me too, saying "upupupup" like it's one word, "upupUPUPupcomeongetup." I answer without spaces too, "don'twannaIwassleeping."

"no you weren't." no, I wasn't, but I don't have to stop. "you were avoiding." maybe. "and you have to get up." nuh-uh.

"nuh-uh." and I grab for the pillow, but you jump backwards. "give it back. I don't ever have to leave ever I wanna SLEEP."

"sooner or later you have to face the world." "but I pr-" "and don't say you prefer later, bitch, you don't get a choice."

"well, fuck off, voice of reason, I like having a choice."

"we're-" you're cut off by me tossing the covers over your head.

"DON'T SAY IT. I'll get up." I grab the pillow and clutch it to my chest, but I'm standing. the covers fall to the floor and you glare at me, hair a mess.

"you're lucky you're fragile and I love you and shit."

"yeah."

"we're wo-" I clap a hand over your mouth. "hrrabmmu-"

"I know I know I know. shh."

"mmprruhah-"

"I can't hear it, okay? just know that I know and knowing is doing enough to me, I don't want you to ever say the word 'worry.' I get it."

"kuhootmmf?"

"what?" you lick my hand. "oh." I move it.

"thank you. here's the thing though, you have to hear it. everyone's afraid to come up here or something, and it's getting really depressing without you."

"really depressing without the girl who tried to k-"

"you're not allowed to say that, either. we're putting all this behind us. you're going to come downstairs and hug people and thank them for being-" I raise my hand. "w-o-r-r-i-e-d."

"I just want to sleep."

"you got enough sleep in the hospital."

"yeah but only for like 12 hours, and that was yesterday."

"you're coming downstairs."

"but-"

"we can't have your birthday without you."

"...fine."