usually when people talk about addictions, it's formulaic. "you can't stop. you feel like you can't do anything without it, even if it's hurting you." blah blah blah. and then it's, "it was hard to quit but you push yourself and push yourself and it gets easier." blah. blah. blah.
it's not always true. sometimes, it gets harder the longer you go. as time goes on, you lose your resolve and pressures build- and even if you could go entire days without thinking about it before, you can't now.
it sounds like a good thing that the scars are fading- but they're the reminder, the thing that says "REMEMBER HOW FAR YOU WENT BEFORE, SEE HOW CLEAR I AM AFTER MONTHS OF NOTHING, DON'T DO IT AGAIN." your wrist suddenly looks uncomfortably bare without them. "remember how f... ar I am after... nothing... again..."
until it's just, "again."
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