bon appétit

it takes me a long time to answer,

because I take time to taste the words

at first they come burning up my throat,

like bile, like yesterday's food,

and crash against my teeth

do my eyes bulge,

with the effort it takes to keep them behind pressed lips?

I will hang on to them for another moment

rearrange them with my tongue

(just like tying cherry stems,

I taught you how to do that, once upon a time)

they'll clack against my teeth

until I open my mouth-

but I'll rethink the sentence

swallow it down hard

watch carefully for the word "unbelievable,"

you'll see how it takes effort to keep down

maybe I'll cough, shift in my chair, while

the word "waiting" settles itself in your mouth

you'll savor it, decide whether it's worth saying

while I dislodge "cruel" from my windpipe.

a bitter tasting word,

and I want to spit it out.

I wonder what you were craving

maybe I'll just go for something simple, bold-

"I hate you"

but no, I want this flavor to last

something that will distort the taste of food

hours later

so something spicier, maybe

"I fucking hate you"

(you taught me that word, once upon a time)

that'll work, right?

I bet you were expecting sugar,

accepting your apology with a smile

I can feel that taste,

sticky, sickly sweet, crawling up

no doubt that'd be a treat to you

but all the witticisms seem to spoil on my tongue

I taste salt