I just, for once, want you all to leave me the fuck alone. honestly, if I could have a nurse at my door who told you "she's in too much pain to see anyone right now, come back later," I would. I want to disconnect and sleep and do nothing.
who made it a rule, that caring means devoting your life to that person? I care, I care, but I trust you not to kill yourself while I'm sleeping. do I have to believe differently? I love you, so do not cut/puke/fall in love again while I'm reading the series I've been meaning to get to. is that a fucking ground rule that needs establishing?
well here, I'm establishing it. I need to be allowed to tap out. sometimes people take vacations, right? let me live without your problems for one day once in a while.
is that selfish? is it wrong that I need time to recuperate in between all of your meltdowns? I think it is wrong, that i have to kill myself trying to deal with it all in the first place, but I just want you to get better, okay? I try and I try and I try but I can't always try, I can't prop you up forever.
so when I go on vacation with my family for a weekend, can I come back and find that you've been able to get on without me, if only for a while? and what the fuck am I supposed to do if the answer is no?
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