like vines we intertwined [x]

when she was thin enough to dance between the raindrops, I almost stopped loving her.

it might have been gradual. it might have been all at once, that day that I just screamed at her to eat the fucking cupcake because you're thin you're so thin and just shut up already-

and then I felt bad about it, because she cried and she couldn't eat, she said, it all turned to glue in her mouth and she felt sick and I couldn't make her do it. not if I really loved her.

you don't stop loving someone when they need you, you help them. you try to love them more.

so that's what I did, the right thing (right?), because-

because?

wait, I forget, why did I do it? because that's what love makes you do, really? makes you try when it just isn't worth it?

no, I can't say that. that's an awful thing to say. of course it was worth it, I wanted her to be healthy and happy, and it would make me happier if it didn't kill me first.

that's what love is, not smiles and rainbows all the time, because first there are bad "your mom" jokes and thunderstorms, first she has to get better so she can love you and not hate herself.

love was taking the baby steps, sitting with her until she choked down a quarter of her meal, it was not sleeping in case she took a turn for the worse during the night, love was forgetting to eat because I was thrusting all my food at her.

then she got better and I got worse and the only way I'd taught her how to help was to undo it all. I didn't blame her when she ran away.